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iQuestions Faculty, Dr. John Trent 
 
 
Question: 
 
My husband and I are polar opposite when it comes to disciplining our 
children. How can we get on the same page? 
 
Answer: 
 
My wife and I are absolute opposites when it comes to so many things. 
And unfortunately, one of those is discipline. That happens with a lot 
of couples.  
 
Let‟s say, for example, this is you and your spouse—and I don‟t care 
who is who. This could be the guy and this could be the gal, or vise-
versa, but you‟ve got this Lion and they‟re strong and take charge.  
 
Then they see this person, and they‟re sensitive and connected. It‟s 
kind of like two halves of the apple become one Washington State 
Golden Delicious apple. What can happen when kids come along? It 
could be like applesauce.  
 
Let me give you an example: let‟s say that the Lion, they‟re at dinner 
and their kid who‟s the Otter—remember, they‟re the fun-loving 
playful one—and here‟s a six-year-old Otter, and what do they do with 
their glass of milk? Have you ever noticed that? They put it right on 
the edge of the table.  
 
Now, Lions tend to see problems and want to deal with them right 
now. So the little Otter puts the milk right on the edge of the table and 
the Lion sees the potential problem and goes: “Hey, move the milk!”  
 
 
 
The Otter doesn‟t see the problems. “I‟m not going to knock it over.” 
And they knock over the milk. Now they‟ve got a real problem.  
 
What does the Lion do? “I‟ve got a solution to that problem. Go to 
your room right now, no dinner!”  
 
What is the Golden Retriever parent capable of doing then? You know, 
sneaking in later and doing what? “OK, Honey, now here‟s a hotdog, 
but no bun. This is punishment.”  
 
What I see a lot of times in my counseling practice are well-meaning 
parents that love each other and love their kids, but they are such 
polar opposites. You‟ve got one that wants to give the hard side of 
love, and other that wants to give the soft side of love.  
 
When it comes to discipline, it‟s not just Lions and Golden Retrievers 
that can struggle to get on the same page. There‟s also, for example, 
opposites that attract and marry and have kids. Like an Otter and a 
Beaver.  
 
Remember, the Otter‟s the fun-loving, enthusiastic, party‟s-waiting-to-
happen. They don‟t really relate to what? Rules.  
 
Then there‟s the Beaver who loves rules.  
 
This is me, the Otter, and here‟s my wife Cindy, the Beaver. We had a 
rule in our home that you could only pull two feet of dental floss out at 
a time. I won‟t tell you which kid tried to hang the one that got 
instituted the two foot rule, but bottom line was you could only pull 
out two feet of dental floss. 
 
Well, I‟m on a trip and call home and I say to my wife, “Hey, Honey. 
How you doing?” and she goes, “I‟m doing great, but I learned 
something very interesting tonight.”  
Trent -2- 
 
 
 
I go, “What‟s that?” she says “Well, I learned that Carrie (who‟s our 
oldest daughter and the Lion) hates me.”  
 
I ask, “Why is that? She‟s only about 6 years old.” And she says, 
“Well, I was putting Carrie to bed tonight and I pulled out two feet of 
dental floss, and Carrie went ballistic. She said, „Mom, I can‟t believe 
you make me pull out two feet of dental floss. Dad doesn‟t make me 
pull out two feet of dental floss.‟”  
 
Because when I was putting the kids to bed, guess what I would 
conveniently forget? The rules.  
 
Bottom line is, that‟s when you think—with the phone you‟re going 
“Oh, Honey, I‟m going under a bridge. I can‟t hear you, we‟re losing 
contact.”  
 
I didn‟t have a dental floss problem in our home. I had a problem that 
we, my wife and I, weren‟t on the same page when it came to 
disciplining the kids. 
 
Realize that opposites can attract, but you need to value the other 
person‟s strengths and then make sure that you‟re on the same page 
when it comes to discipline, so that you don‟t have one person running 
to one side of the ship and one person running to the other. 
Trent -3- 
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