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iQuestions Faculty, Dr. John Trent 
 
 
Question: 
 
I grew up where it was okay to hug your horse, not your kids. Why is 
touch such a big deal - particularly when it can be misused? 
 
Answer: 
 
Hey, I want to thank you for clicking on this question, because it is so 
easy to think, “Ah, it’s such a small thing,” this aspect of touch. But 
guess what? In clinical studies of what makes a strong family, one 
consistent thing you see is “appropriate, meaningful touch.” 
 
Why? Why is touch such a big deal? 
 
Let me give you an example of the absence of touch. I never really got 
to know my dad very well. He left when I was two months old, I never 
met him until I was in high school, and he never got to know my kids 
very well. But I remember when my dad died. It was early in August, 
and about two or three weeks later, I was out jogging. I live in 
Phoenix, Arizona. I’m a slow-distance jogger, and you have got to jog 
really early or your tennis shoes melt.  
 
So I’m out really early. I get home about 6:30 or 7:00, and I walk 
down the hallway, and guess who I run right into? It’s my oldest 
daughter, Carrie. Carrie comes out of her doorway. Nobody else is 
even up, and she has huge crocodile tears. And I’m thinking, “What is 
going on?” And I remember falling down right in the hallway, and that 
little girl falling into my arms. And you know when kids are little, how 
their whole body moves when they cry? And it’s like, gasp, gasp. And I 
go, “Honey, what is wrong?” and she finally calms down enough to 
 
 
talk, and she goes, “Well, Daddy, I just realized Grandpa’s gone, and I 
never once got to hug him.” 
 
You know what? If you want to leave a hole in a little child’s heart, 
then don’t provide appropriate, meaningful touch. 
 
Now, don’t get me wrong. How many times have I said “appropriate” 
already? Like a dozen, right? You don’t go out and hug everything that 
moves. You get arrested. But with your own kids, the bottom line is, 
appropriate touch can be hugely important. 
 
Let me give you a quick example. Guess what my mom did for me? 
Even though my dad never provided that touch, what my mom would 
do is every day, we would have to hug my mom when she dropped us 
off at school. So, here’s a single-parent mom, she would drop us off at 
school, we had to get out of the car, and we had to hug her before we 
went into school.   
 
Now, I’ll be honest with you. Every year, we made her drop us farther 
and farther and farther from school, and by junior high, it was right at 
the door of the house. “Just get it over with, Mom.” But I am so 
thankful for a mom that provided that example of appropriate, 
meaningful touch, because that is really where I learned with my own 
kids. 
 
And then later, in clinical literature and even in the Bible, how 
important that small, active touch is to help a kid feel that they are 
incredibly valuable.  
 
 
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