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iQuestions Faculty, Michael and Amy Smalley 
 
 
Question: I’m divorced and have two kids. Should I only date if I think 
the person is someone I can marry?  
 
Answer: 
 
MICHAEL: It is really difficult going through a divorce. Divorce is 
horrible, and if you’re in that position, you know exactly what I am 
talking about.  
 
Now, should you date? Absolutely you can date again, but we do want 
you to be smart and know that you should not rush into it. The biggest 
mistake that we see in our counseling center is that couples get 
divorced, and sometimes before the divorce papers are even signed, 
they are already in another relationship. You need to know that, 
whatever happened in the divorce, you need time to heal from that 
relationship. If you don’t, all you are going to do is replicate the same 
problems you had in that previous marriage. 
 
AMY: My word of caution is, one of the biggest things that happens 
after a divorce is the focus turns from you being a parent to “how do I 
get my needs met?” And that’s when your children really take a back 
seat, and that’s when we see the fallout of divorce and the 
consequences of divorce really hurting the children. 
 
So my caution for you would be to really, truly focus in on getting 
yourself healed and talking to your kids and saying, “What do you 
think?” Not “should I date” or “should I not date,” but feeling them out 
and seeing where they are on their healing process, and making sure 
that they are ready for you to be able to take the focus a little bit off 
of them. 
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